Roommates
by akaisakura
Summary: Ken tries to tell Daisuke how he feels, but does Daisuke feel the same for Ken?...dark Daisuke/Ken fic --COMPLETED FIC-- (ending chapters are now up)
1. Prologue: Angel

Prologue: Angel

Roommates 

  


  


Hey, all! You have now stumbled onto my first attempt to write a fic in a really, really long time...since I wrote my only other completed fic (which was back in 1998) ~_~;; We'll see if reading lots of well written fics has helped my writing ^_^; Anyway, this is a dark drama fic, centering around Daisuke Motomiya and Ken Ichijouji from Digimon 02, with a relatively undepressing ending (really depends on how you want the ending though, I guess...) This fic deals with issues of homosexuality, so please read with an open mind and an open heart. 

Basic setting is everyone's in college. The older digidestined are seniors in college and the younger ones are starting their freshman year, though they're not all at the same college. Two of them have gotten a residence of their own, but I'm not telling ^_~ (warning: tiny, tiny drop of lime fanservice. You have been forewarned! [And your destiny is foreordained!] get out of here Kamui!...shoo, scram...I'll write you a fic later...maybe one with Subaru in it?... ^_^;; ) For those purists out there, I've tried to stick to the characterizations in the show, but I may have strayed at different points...the characters changed as a result of growing up...?... ^_^;; 

/Thoughts are enclosed in slashes/, _emphasis is italicized_, the notes are at the bottom after each chapter, in case you're ever scratching your head saying, "Why did she write this section/situation in this manner..." and other than that, everything else should be explained in the fic. Enjoy! (just don't get too depressed... -_- ) 

C&C is highly appreciated. Feel free to mail opinions to: [akaisakura@hotmail.com][1]. Course, really obvious flames _will_ be made fun of... :P 

Disclaimer: Digimon is, sadly, not mine. If it was, I would have a leafmon of my own and the last 5 minutes of 02 would have been a WHOLE lot different >:P 

  


  


Prologue: Angel 

  


  


_ (whispered)   
/You've changed me/   
/You've changed my life/   
/Forever/ _

Once long ago, I was just a little child   
/Frightened/   
Learned things the wrong way   
/Traumatized/   
Didn't know how to deal with people   
/Neglected/ 

You came into my life   
/Angel/   
Showed me another way to be   
/Savior/ 

*Beautiful Angel   
Surround me in your radiance   
Let me know your glory   
Hold me in your arms   
Let me become a part of you 

This world...no... this life   
/Surviving/   
It was pitch black   
/Darkness/   
Swallowing me whole   
/Falling/ 

You came to rescue me   
/Angel/   
Taking me to another road   
/Savior/ 

**Honorable Angel   
Guide me with your light   
Let me follow you   
Protect all that is good   
Left within me 

--Interlude--   
(spoken during interlude)   
Now things are different   
/Hope/   
I can dream again   
/Light/   
You've changed me   
You've changed my life   
Forever 

Repeat *   
Repeat ** 

  


  


Ken did always like that song. When he first heard it on the radio last year, he instantly knew who it was talking about. It was painfully obvious that he would be the one singing it, and that he'd be singing about the one person that changed his life, and brought out the best qualities in him. 

It was just a shame that the other person almost definitely didn't feel the same way about him. 

  


  


  


  


Notes:   
-The song lyrics are not actually from a real song, as far as I know. They just popped into my head as I was writing this fic. I will set these lyrics to music someday...and maybe even a Japanese version too. ^_^ 

   [1]: mailto:akaisakura@hotmail.com



	2. Chapter 1: Heart's Sanctuary

Ch. 1: Heart's Sanctuary Ch. 1: Heart's Sanctuary 

  


  


"...and the Ace makes my hand a royal flush!" 

*Groan* 

"Awww, not again, Yamato! This has to be the fifth time this week you've beaten me and it's only Tuesday!" 

Sitting around in their apartment playing strip poker after dinner was normally fun for Tai, but for some reason, Yamato was on some sort of hot streak this week and just kept on winning hand after hand. Course, maybe it had something to do with the fact they were playing on their bed this week... 

/Curse you, Yama...you know how easily I get distracted by the bed./ 

"Don't be a sore loser, Tai. Besides, I still have to win one more hand before I _really_ win. Just take off your pants." A little eyebrow shift, and Tai could see what was coming. "Unless you want me to remove them for you?" Yamato mischievously suggested. 

A very close to being depantsed Tai decided to play along...if only to have things go his way. 

"Oh, Yama, I need you to come here and take them off for me," he pleaded. 

"Suit yourself." Yamato got off his side of the bed and started walking over to Tai's side. "But we _will_ finish this game the right way today." 

/Yama says that every time we play, and that has yet to happen./ Tai thought to himself with a grin. "Maybe we'll finish it the right way..." Tai suggested with a lustful look in his eyes. /...later.../ 

Yamato had just reached Tai's side of the bed when Tai reached out to steal a very long kiss from his lover. When Tai finally let go, they were both greedily trying to get fresh air into their lungs. 

"Maybe... we... can finish ...the game... later..." Yamato breathed out as he leaned into Tai again. "For now, let's see what we can do about this..." 

Yamato's hands inched down the beautiful body before him, getting ever closer to their destination. As his hands got closer, he could feel his love becoming more aroused under his touch. Yamato's right hand slipped under the waistband of Tai's jeans and started closing around Tai's... 

* Ding-Dong! * 

"Damn it! Who could _that_ be?" Yamato scowled. Tai gave a moan of despair and fell over backwards onto the bed. 

  


  


* Outside the Ishida-Yagami residence * 

Ken glanced nervously at the door. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea coming here. Nonsensical dribble and doubts filled his mind. 

/What if I'm making a big mistake? I'm not sure I really have a problem or anything at all for that matter...I mean, I've been able to deal with it by myself for this long.../ 

But it was too late to run away as the door opened and Yamato's irritated face appeared in the door frame. 

"Ken! What brings you here?" Yamato said with a plastered smile. /...and at such an awful time...grrr.../ 

"Um...if this is a bad time, I can come back some other time..." /or not at all/ as Ken started mentally kicking himself all over again. 

Yamato was about to tell Ken to come back later, when he noticed that Ken looked particularly troubled. The dark shadows that clouded the usually vibrant violet eyes threatened to swallow him whole. Whatever this problem was, it must have been stewing around in his mind for quite some time. 

"Oh, no...it's alright. Would you like to come in for some tea and we can talk about what's bothering you?" Yamato offered. 

"Are you sure it's ok?" 

"Yeah, sure. Now get in here, Ichijouji." 

/This is odd/ thought Yamato to himself as he closed the door behind Ken. /Ken normally talks with Koshirou about everything. I wonder why he's asking for help from us./ 

After calming down and getting over his frustration, Tai put on a t-shirt and stumbled out of their room, looking around for Yamato. "Hey, Yama, who was at the door?" he called out, and stopped when he spotted Yamato already engaging in conversation with Ken. Tai walked over to the table and took a seat opposite Ken, as Yamato came to the table with three cups of hot green tea. 

"So what's up, Ken?" Yamato asked. "This problem is something pretty emotional if you can't talk about it with Koshirou." 

Over the years, a few things have changed, but other things haven't. And Koshirou was one of those "other things". As constant as the length of Ken's hair, he is still as smart and curious as ever and wonderfully proficient with computers. /But when it comes to dealing with emotional things and people relations, he's still a little in the dark, sad to say./ Yamato mentally sighed at the thought. 

Ken just stared at his cup, watching the steam rise until its vapors disappeared from sight. The lack of response was enough to confirm the answer to Yamato's previous statement. 

"Have you tried talking to my sister already?" Tai offered. 

"...no. I just...I can't talk to anyone about it. Not even her." Ken continued to watch the steam. 

Looking straight at Ken, Yamato gently said, "Well, I hope we don't disappoint you, since you worked up enough guts to come and talk to us about it." He was starting to get a grasp on what this problem might be. 

/If he's come to us about something that he couldn't even talk to Hikari about, then it could only be one thing./ Yamato gave Tai a glance to see if he had figured it out as well. Tai looked back with a mixture of confusion and curiosity. 

"Ken, I think I know what's bothering you, but you have to be honest with me here," Yamato said. Ken gave a small nod and continued staring at the cup. 

* sigh * /Here goes nothing./ 

"Are you in love with a guy?" 

The reaction was instant as Ken immediately blushed painfully, and guiltily lowered his gaze until he was looking right at the table. Tai was at a loss for words. Somewhere between "Oh, gods what can I say to help" and "I wonder how long this has been going on" he managed to sigh a little sympathetic, "Oh, Ken..." and walked up to the younger digidestined and gave him a hug. 

Yamato reached for Ken's hands. "It's alright. You can tell us. We will listen all night if you need us to." 

"Thank you... Yamato... Tai," Ken sniffled out. He had started to cry when Tai wrapped his arms around him. The doubts started to fade as he realized he made the right choice in deciding to talk to these two. 

The talk went well into the night, until Ken got up and politely left, saying that he had occupied them for too long, and that he had classes to attend in the morning. Now all that was left was to go back to the dorm that he and Daisuke shared and deal with things there. 

  


  


  


Notes:   
-Tai and Yamato are an item. I did that for two reasons. 1) I thought it would be better for contrast with the rest of the story and the other relationship in the story. Also, Ken needed someone to help him through things, since he tends to be a loner when things are bad (he blames himself for everything way too much and has waaay too much self-hatred when things go wrong.) And 2) I just like Taito (Tai X Yamato) as a pairing. They had so much potential in the show...I mean, come on, they're the only two out of the original set that could merge their digimon...how synchronized do you have to be to be able to do that /without/ Tailmon's tail ring?...and besides, they just seem so right for each other (fanservice...for me?... 0_o;;) Tai affectionately calls Yamato, "Yama" so that's not a typo :P 

-sidenote* I just couldn't help but laugh at the thought of Tai falling over onto his bed in agony...I know I'm evil... ^_^ Course, the real reason why there's no sex is cause I can't write that sort of stuff well...-_- 

-The idea that Ken talks to Koshirou a lot is from the episode when Miyako goes to Kyoto. That's the only time we ever see Ken talking alone and one-on-one with someone about something. 


	3. Chapter 2: Sleepless Confessions

Ch. 2: Sleepless Confessions Thanks to everyone who reviewed the prologue and first chapter ^_^ You guys brightened my day. Now on with the next section... 

Again, Digimon is not mine...and I don't think it will be any time soon, but hey, I can dream, can't I? ^_~ 

  


  


  


  
Ch. 2: Sleepless Confessions 

  


  


Ken snuck back into his dorm room as quietly as he could. Lucky for Ken, Daisuke and Chibimon were both heavy sleepers, and neither stirred a bit. The night's conversation with Tai and Yamato had made him feel better about himself, but that help would be short-lived if things didn't go over as well with Daisuke. Still worried and a little restless, Ken couldn't fall asleep and decided to just sit by the window of his unlit room and watch the twinkling lights of the city below. Minomon was awake by this point and decided to try and talk to Ken. 

The little green digimon floated up into Ken's lap. "Ken-chan, what's the matter? You haven't been your cheery self lately, and your sleep patterns have been awful." 

"It's something I'm going to have to face one of these days, Minomon. I don't know when that will be, but it will be soon. Don't worry too much, my friend. I'll be alright," Ken looked forlornly out his window at the horizon while lightly petting Minomon on his head. 

"But that's what you said last time. Why can't you tell me what's wrong?" 

"I should tell Daisuke first, that's all." 

"Tell me what first?" a groggy Daisuke turned around in bed to face the silhouette of his Jogress partner. 

Ken turned around and began to profusely apologize, "Daisuke! I'm terribly sorry. I hope we didn't wake you up with our conversation." 

Daisuke sat up in his bed and vehemently waved his hands in protest. "It's alright, it's alright! I was worried about you anyway. Call it instincts that I know when my partner finally returns from being missing all day. So where _have_ you been?" 

"Out. I had a long conversation with Tai and Yamato at their place." Ken was offering as little information as possible. He didn't want Daisuke to know everything until he was ready to tell him. 

"Oh. I see." Daisuke paused for a second, not sure what to say next. "Hey Ken, I know I'm probably not the one you want to talk to about this, but I know something's been bothering you lately. I know you've been taking sleeping pills to help you go to bed. What's upsetting you so much that you can't even sleep?" 

Ken turned back around and faced the window again. Thoughts blurred their way through Ken's mind. /I don't want Daisuke to see me like this. I can't... no, I won't cry. I can't let him see the pain I'm going through. I want to tell him everything so bad, but I'm so afraid of how he's going to react./ 

"I just have a few problems to work out with myself," he said at last. 

"_You_ have a _few_ problems to work out?" Daisuke wasn't about to take that for an answer. "Now, I know that having a _few_ problems to work out is what it means to be a digidestined. And having problems _all the time_ is what it means to be Ken Ichijouji. Call me crazy, but this problem is not your typical problem, even for you, is it? Come on, Ken, you can tell me. If you can't tell your best friend, then what am I here for? Room decoration?" 

Ken had to smirk at that comment. Even when things were at their worst, somehow, Daisuke always found a way to uplift him, if only for a moment. Becoming serious again, Ken tried to convince himself that now was the right time. He was struggling for the right words, ones that would soften the blow that was coming up. 

"I...I'm not sure how you're going to react to what I'm about to tell you, but I have to. I have to if I want to get any sleep from now on." Ken paused before he continued. Still facing the window, Ken lowered his gaze and blurted out his painful confession. "I like you, Daisuke. A lot. Not just the friendly "like" that we've felt for all these years, but..." 

"Baka," Daisuke said affectionately. "You think I didn't notice, Ken? I may be thickheaded, but I'm not oblivious." 

Ken just hung his head and closed his eyes. Minomon looked up at him with confused eyes. 

"What's so wrong with liking your best friend, Ken-chan? I don't understand," the little one asked innocently. He obviously didn't catch the deeper meaning of Ken's confession. 

Ken hugged Minomon tightly and simply said, "I'll explain it all to you later. I promise. But for now, no more questions, ok?" 

Minomon still looked a little confused and sad to be left out, but trusted his human partner. "Ok. But can I still sit here in your lap?" 

"Of course, my friend." 

While Ken was talking to Minomon, Daisuke was wondering what he should say next. Being almost as bad as Tai is in these situations, where he actually had to _talk_ about something so personal, he was trying to put his feelings into words. After Minomon settled back down onto Ken's lap, a shadow of silence swallowed the room. 

Daisuke was the first to break the silence. 

"Ken...I'm sorry, but you _do_ know how I feel about girls...and the such right? What I mean to say is that I'm flattered that you, of all people, like me, but...well, I mean, oh darn it all." Daisuke was starting to get frustrated with his inability to say things in a less painful manner for Ken. He decided to just go with the direct approach and hope Ken didn't take it the wrong way. "I just don't know what you're expecting or where you think you can take this," he stated. 

That last statement hit Ken like a slap in the face from the hand of reality. It wasn't that Ken thought that anything would happen between them, but when Daisuke said that, it just scattered whatever shreds of fantasized possibilities Ken may have had as though they were merely sakura petals during hanami. His heart twisted around itself and Ken could feel it trying to reject the harsh truth that his brain had known from the first day this whole mess started for him two years ago. 

"Nothing, nowhere. I never thought or expected anything to happen between the two of us," Ken stated. Daisuke felt a bit of sadness in those words and could feel Ken's heart clenching to protect itself from the pain. His own heart was also aching from the pain he was causing. But he couldn't help this. 

/Ken has to know how I really feel. I don't want to create any false hopes for him and he has to understand that I just truly don't feel the same way about him./ 

Daisuke kept telling himself that he was doing the right thing, even if his friend had to suffer for a while. Ken was strong, he'd overcome this, just like how he overcame his own darkness. And that sooner or later, things would be ok again. 

  


  


  


Notes:   
-Minomon still calls Ken "Ken-chan"...I just thought it'd be cuter that way. Minomon, and all the digimon, in some ways are still very innocent, so I thought that would bring out the innocence. I get the impression that digimon don't know a lot of "adult" things because they don't have a need to, and that's just not how their world is set up. The digimon from Digimon Adventure were still relatively innocent in 02, while their human partners matured into more adult-like people. 

-Daisuke, the heavy sleeper, wakes up because of Ken and Minomon's conversation??...well, I'm taking a few things on a creative license...I'm assuming that being Jogress partners, Daisuke is much more sensitive to Ken's presence and his state of mind/heart The actual statement from the booklet for Digimon 02 song collection 2, "When two hearts become one, through the power of friendship, fellow digimon can combine bodies. This is Jogress shinka!" (futatsu no kokoro ga hitotsu ni natta toki, yuujou no PAWAA de DIJIMON doushi ga goutai shita. Kore koso ga JOGURESU shinka da!!) the Japanese word 'kokoro' can mean 'mind', 'core', or the literal, physical 'heart'...and besides, in the show, Daisuke actually heard Ken's heart in his mind when their digimon first Jogress shinka together... Daisuke's really genuinely worried about Ken and probably wanted to talk to him. He just dozed off waiting up for him. 

-Sakura is Japanese for "cherry blossom" and hanami is a time period in early April when people in Japan lounge and have picnics to watch the cherry blossoms bloom and fall. (Hana=flower, mi=to see) 


	4. Chapter 3: Capsizing Life

Ch. 3: Capsizing Life Ch. 3: Capsizing Life 

  


  


Minomon was still feeling very left out, but was trying to make some sense out of all the things being said as he continued listening to the conversation. The nervous, frightened edge that was in Ken's voice earlier was starting to subside, and the tension in the air was starting to fade, but Ken still refused to face Daisuke straight on and instead, continued to face the window. 

"Why were you so afraid to tell me, Ken? How did you think I was going to react?" 

"I didn't _know_ how you would react. That's what scared me the most...the not knowing." 

Silence. 

"Did you think I'd suddenly stop being your friend?" 

"...maybe." 

Daisuke gave his friend a smile. "Aww, Ken, you didn't even have to tell me for me to see that you liked me. It was pretty obvious." 

"It was?" Ken had a confused look on his face. "I didn't think I was being _that_ obvious. Or at least I hoped I wasn't being obvious." 

"But, you were," Daisuke said with a smile. 

Ken chewed on that thought for a bit, wondering just what it was that Daisuke picked up on when Daisuke interrupted his pondering. 

"Ken, how long have you known this? How long have you known that you were in love with me?" Daisuke asked gently. "Was it before we had to choose which colleges we wanted to test for? Is that why you're not at one of the best universities in Japan and you're here with me at a second tier school?" 

Ken started looking out the window again. "The decision I made was based on practicality, Daisuke. If our digimon needed to Jogress shinka, then I'd already be here with you..." Ken started to say, but who was he fooling? He knew that Daisuke wouldn't buy that excuse. Not when one of the top universities in Japan was just a train-ride away. That, and the fact that he can open a dimensional rip anywhere. It was the only perk to having a dark spore in him. Ken's voice dropped to barely above a whisper. 

"...I just didn't know what else to do. I thought that maybe I could work something out with myself. That if I go to be with you, by your side, that it would be enough for me. It just got worse once we moved in. The past month and a half have been hell for me. Every day just got worse and worse..." Ken was starting to choke up. 

"...then, I think that it would be better for both of us if we try not to spend too much time together from now on. Maybe that would help you get over me faster," Daisuke suggested. 

Silence. 

"...yeah..." 

Ken agreed. Daisuke was right. Maybe it would help if they didn't spend as much time together. Ken let his head hang down, his long hair hiding his tears. "I'm sorry, Daisuke. I wish things weren't like this." 

"Yeah, me too. Don't worry, we'll make it through this." Daisuke tried to reassure his partner. "Just watch, we'll still be the best of friends years from now." And Daisuke truly believed that. 

  


  


The red of leaves changed into the white of snow, and the white of snow transformed into the rainbow of flowers. 

Things were not going well. Daisuke and Ken were drifting farther apart with each passing season, and as they did, their hearts did as well. Neither one really understood the other, as frustrations and tensions continued to build between the two of them. Because Daisuke was spending more time with his other friends that he met at college, Ken thought that Daisuke was trying to avoid him on purpose, and it really hurt. Meanwhile, Daisuke was just trying to put his plan into action. And Ken _was_ trying really hard not to like Daisuke, but to him, it wasn't something one could just shut off like a light switch. Oh, how he wished it were so easy. But Daisuke didn't see it that way. It seemed to him like Ken _wasn't_ trying his hardest, as though Ken didn't really want to give up his little crush. Ken was beginning to feel like he was being ignored. And that's when he realized. 

Not since he was eleven had things been this bad. 

Slowly, Ken started hiding from everyone, and withdrew into his little shell. He avoided the press at every turn, even more than usual, and gave excuses for why he couldn't give interviews on talk shows any more. He wasn't doing anything really impressive anymore anyway. What was worse, he started avoiding the other digidestined and rejecting their help. Whenever they were doing anything, Ken almost always made up some excuse for why he couldn't go with them. Ken kept thinking that this was _his_ problem, and that he could solve it on his own. He didn't even want to talk to Tai and Yamato, even though they would have gladly helped him; he just didn't want to talk to anyone anymore. His life was slowly starting to fall apart. Again. 

That's when Ken started to feel like Daisuke didn't _need_ him in his life anymore; that _no one_ needed him around anymore. 

/Daisuke's life is just fine. It would probably be perfect without me. He doesn't need me screwing up his life./ 

/I don't make an ounce of difference in anyone's life./ 

/No one will notice if I'm gone.../ 

  


  


  


Notes:   
-The idea that Ken can open a dimensional rip anywhere is not something I made up. Besides being able to open a Dark Gate to the Dark Ocean (is it just me, or is everything in this show called "Dark Something..." Even the original Japanese name for "control spire" was "Dark Tower"...but I digress), Ken seems to be able to open a gate to anywhere he wants. In the episode where Miyako goes to Kyoto, Ken is actually shown coming out of a portal he opened in the middle of a river! Maybe that episode was foreshadowing for the later one when he needed to open the Dark Gate, but that's freaky...Ken has the power to go anywhere he wants... I'm taking a bit of a creative license with this and assuming that even now, Ken can control the power to open portals even though the Dark Spore, which I assume was granting him the power in the show, is dormant. Special thanks goes out to the author, whoever you may be, of "To Sleep...Perchance to Scream", since she didn't put her name on her fic, and uses her sister's account on fanfiction.net. Her fic is the one that pointed this fact out to me. Otherwise, I wouldn't have actually picked it up on my own... 

-Yes, the press is still chasing poor Ken around, though the more depressed he gets, the more he hides from everyone, and the less actual amazing stuff he does...therefore, the press shouldn't be /too/ hard to dodge. 

-Again, Ken is avoiding the other digidestined as well because it's in his nature to blame himself for things and to lash out at himself. He may be at peace with what he did as the Kaiser, but I think that it is his base nature to be self-abusive in situations where he's involved with the problem; like how he thought that it was his fault that Osamu died. He also tends to feel that if he's the one at fault, then it's his problem and his responsibility to correct the problem, by himself. 


	5. Chapter 4: Abandon Ship?

Ch. 4: Abandon Ship? Ch. 4: Abandon Ship? 

  


  


"... and I don't think you can possible understand how I feel, Daisuke! You've never experienced all the things I have! All the darkness I had to break through to get to where I am today." 

This was supposed to be a relaxing weekend for everyone, since the mid-semester slew of exams was finally over. Minomon and Chibimon went back to the Digital World to rest and recharge for the weekend. Maybe that's why Ken and Daisuke were on the verge of fighting, and not just with words. Usually, when the two digimon were around, Ken and Daisuke were more civil in their rare argument, for fear that they may accidentally start a fight between their digimon too. The last thing they needed was for the dorm to collapse. 

"I'm going to ask you a simple question. Have you ever done anything to hurt yourself, Ken?" 

"Why should you care? I'm nothing but a blotch of black on your wonderful life," Ken spat out. 

"Have you, or haven't you?!" This argument was starting to get a little too frustrating for Daisuke. 

"Yes, I have! What's it to you?" 

Daisuke tried to reason with Ken. "I need to know, Ken. Please, let me see what you've done." 

"Why should I show them to you! You didn't even care enough to try and stop me, even though it was happening right under your nose!" 

That statement caught Daisuke off-guard. He lowered his voice. "I knew you were doing something...I just didn't know what to do about it. I haven't had to deal with something like this...not for a long time...and you and I have changed so much since those days. I didn't know what to say, and I was afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing...I didn't want to make things worse than they already were..." 

"So you decided that ignoring me was better?!" Ken roared out. "Fine then. I can see that you don't want me in your life anymore, Daisuke." /It's alright, Daisuke. It will all be over soon./ 

Ken stormed out of the room and into the chilly night air. As he was rushing out the door, he knocked Hawkmon over and nearly knocked Miyako over as well. 

"Hey! What's the big rush, Ken?" 

Miyako had a bad habit of coming to visit Ken and Daisuke when things seemed really bad. It was like some strange sixth sense she had or something. But, being her usual cheerful self, she somehow always made things better after she visited. Only, this time, it didn't matter _how_ cheery she was. Ken was determined, and set to carry out his plan. 

"Sorry, Hawkmon, Miyako. I didn't mean to knock you two over. If you'll excuse me, I need to go for a walk." Ken turned in the direction of the stairs and started walking down the hall. 

There was an angry edge to the way Ken had just spoken to her, and there was a wild look in his eyes that Miyako had never seen. She tried to shake it off, but somehow, the way Ken was acting scared her to the core. Hawkmon picked himself up, dusted off a bit, and looked up at Miyako with worried eyes. 

"Should we follow him?" he gently asked. 

Still shaken from their brief encounter with Ken, Miyako simply said, "I don't know. I think we should check up on Daisuke first while we're here." She looked over in the direction of the stairs and saw that Ken was starting to head _up_ the stairs instead of down. /Where's he going? He wouldn't hurt himself, would he?/ 

  


  


Daisuke was sitting at his desk, looking at, but not seeing, the homework that was in front of him. He was still fuming mad and really frustrated at how Ken just didn't seem to understand him. 

/...how does Ken expect me to keep on being patient when he's being so stubborn and refuses to let anyone help him? It's like he doesn't hear a word I say. I keep on suggesting things that might help him, and it's like it just floats through his head without even registering.../ 

/...and why can't I hear your heart beat anymore, Ken...? What happened to those days when we knew what was in the other person's heart...?/ 

Miyako interrupted his thoughts. 

"Daisuke! What's going on? Why did Ken storm out just now?" 

  


  


When Ken got to the roof, he went to pick up a metal saw that he hid behind one of the air vents, and then headed straight for one specific bar out of the hundreds of bars that surrounded the whole roof. Ken knew the bars were there to prevent youths from becoming statistics in the newspaper, just like the ones that were on the building at home, but they didn't stop him from himself. 

Ken knew he would have to work fast, before he had time to try to talk himself out of this, or have someone catch him up here. He had been sawing the pole earlier this week, but there was still half a centimeter left to cut through. 

Time seemed to compress itself and Ken cut through the pole in less time than he thought he would take. He removed the pole and took one last look out at the dark horizon. Half-whispering to the sparkling city, Ken made his final wish. 

"Once I'm gone, you can finally be free of my dark shadow, Daisuke. I sincerely hope that you will have a good life without me." 

  


  


"Oh, my god! Ken!!!" The scream stunned Daisuke. 

Miyako was running up the stairs two steps at a time, while Hawkmon flew right beside her. After hearing Daisuke explain what had happened, Miyako put two and two together, and ran out of the room, hoping that her hunch was severely wrong. 

/Stupid Daisuke. Why couldn't he see how serious Ken was? I just hope I'm not too late./ 

  


  


As he finished his prayer, he heard the beating of Hawkmon's wings and knew his time was up. 

  


  


Miyako reached the roof just in time to see Ken perched on the edge, and as she yelled out his name, Ken turned around to face her. He gave a small smile of good-bye and took a step back. 

  


  


  


Notes:   
-I tried to do a multi-event scene where two things were going on at the same time. I tried to separate the sections with more spaces, but I'm not sure how that came out. Hopefully, it wasn't too confusing to see the scene changes. I see it like an anime in my head... 

-Now I know that Daisuke is the 'never give up' type, but hey, he's only human. You can't be that way forever, no matter how stubborn you are. By this point in the story, he's tried to resolve this problem and has failed on multiple accounts...and things weren't getting any better for either of them. If you were in that situation, you'd be pretty stressed too. I think Daisuke's reached his limit of tolerance and is now at a loss of what to do. 

-Japanese school kids suicide rates are pretty high. It's really a scary thing. 


	6. Chapter 5: Angel's Arms

Ch. 5: Angel's Arms My thanks go out to those people who reviewed my fic...and had to sit through many days of me not updating, wondering how i can say this fic has a relatively undepressing ending... ^_^;; well, fear not...I present the conclusion to Roommates. 

Disclaimer: Certain people may "own" Digimon, but I believe we each "own" a bit of each character in our own heart...just that these bits are not in the same configuration as Toei presents them... (heh heh...did that make sense? 0_o?? ) 

  


  


  


  
Ch. 5: Angel's Arms 

  


  


"Ken!!" Miyako screamed his name as she watched Ken disappear from view. The next thing she saw was the blurred form of Aquilamon, as he flew above the metal bars and tried to out-fly Ken's falling body. Miyako ran to the edge of the roof, praying that some god was listening and that Aquilamon could catch Ken before it was too late. A painful few seconds later, the giant bird-type digimon flew back up to his partner with a very scared Ken in his claw. 

  


  


Miyako and Hawkmon brought a shaking Ken downstairs to his room. When they went in, a still stunned Daisuke immediately started walking over to Miyako and Ken. Ken looked extremely pale and, quite frankly, it scared the heck out of Daisuke. He was finally beginning to see what was happening, and was afraid to ask what had happened. 

"...what...happened, Miyako?" 

The female digidestined tried to break it to him gently. "Ken tried to throw himself off the roof. We're extremely lucky that Hawkmon and I got to him in time." Miyako was not about to tell Daisuke just _how_ successful Ken would have been if she and Hawkmon had gotten there a split second later. 

Daisuke sunk to his knees and stared at the floor in horror. /How could things have gone so far? How could Ken think that he could throw away his life like that?/ 

"Miyako...please bring Ken to me...please..." Daisuke sounded like he was about to cry. 

Miyako did as she was asked and laid Ken in Daisuke's waiting arms. Daisuke looked down at Ken, tears forming in his eyes. 

"Speak to me, please speak to me," Daisuke pleaded. But Ken wouldn't look at him. He kept his head turned the other way. "Why, Ken. Why? Why would you want to do something so stupid like that? Why would you want to kill yourself?" 

"Because...you don't need me...in your life. No one does. No one would miss me...if I was gone...and the media would just assume that the boy prodigy just couldn't take the pressure of school anymore...and decided to end it all." Ken finished the last sentence with a little smirk, smiling at the irony of that statement. 

"That's not true! There would be a lot of people that would miss you! Don't you understand that?" Daisuke was practically yelling at Ken. The smirk Ken had on his face was terrifying him. He wasn't sure Ken was all there anymore, but he had to try to talk some sense into him. 

"Wormmon would die if he lost you! He lost you once before, and he had to sacrifice himself to get you back. And then you promised him that you'd be with him forever when he reconfigured and came back to you. I'm sure the rest of the digidestined would miss you too. Our reunions wouldn't be the same without you! And I can't see my life without you. You're such a big part of my life. Both the good and bad parts are so much a part of me that I wouldn't be the person I am if I didn't know you. 

"Your parents...they'd miss you too. You don't want to break their hearts again, do you? Don't you remember when you were eleven and you ran away into the Digital World? They cried so much back then, especially your mom...and it's already bad enough that your brother's gone. How do you expect them to go on if you were to die too?" Daisuke was suddenly reminded of what they had been arguing about. A shot of panic surged through his mind. 

"What else have you tried to do behind my back? You have to show me. You don't get a choice this time, Ken. Show me, now!!" 

Still refusing to face him, Ken reluctantly pulled up his sleeves and showed Daisuke two fresh scars that ran up his arms like snakes racing towards his heart. Miyako gasped and put her hands over her face. Hawkmon squeezed his eyes shut, turned around and collapsed onto his knees, his face in his hands. Daisuke gave a blood-curdling scream and punched the floor. 

"Ken, you used to be my best friend. I thought I knew everything about you. I remember when you gave up being the Kaiser...you were so unsure of yourself, so full of self-hatred...you just kept on lashing out at yourself, and blaming yourself for everything...and recklessly throwing your life into danger. You refused our help, as though the only way to make everything better was to punish, no, torture yourself. And then, one day, I couldn't stand seeing you do that to yourself anymore, so I slapped you really hard across the face. 

"But, we're not little kids anymore, Ken! I don't want to lose your friendship, but I can't deal with this anymore! I don't know how to treat you now. I don't know how to stop you from hurting yourself anymore...I don't know what to do, how to act, what to say..." Daisuke trailed off, not knowing what to say next. 

Through the hazy fog of despair, Ken's mind tried to focus on what Daisuke was saying. All the things Daisuke said _had_ crossed his mind before, but somehow, it was different now that someone else was saying it to him with genuine terror and pain in their voice. And in the end, he realized that if he _had_ actually died a few minutes ago, things would not have been any better for Daisuke, his friends, and especially his parents. Instead of being rid of his darkness, Daisuke would have been engulfed in it, and that was _not_ something Ken wanted _anyone_ to experience, least of all his best friend. 

"It's alright, Daisuke," Ken whispered. He turned his head up and looked into Daisuke's teary eyes. "It'll be alright. Next year, I'll be going to Tokyo University. There's no need to worry any more...it will all be over soon." And then, Ken closed his eyes. 

  


  


  


Notes:   
-Yes, the title to the chapter is referring to the title of the prologue. This is the chapter where Ken gets to be in his angel's arms, though not in the way he wanted to be. 

-Ironically, about two seconds after Daisuke slapped Ken in that episode, their digimon Jogressed for the first time ever... (no slap=no Jogress shinka...?... 0_o; ) 

-"It's alright, Daisuke...It will all be over soon." Ken says the exact same words that he said in the previous chapter, only this time, they mean something very different...sort of a contrast of the before and after of this suicide attempt. 


	7. Chapter 6: Separation's Tears

Ch. 6: Separation's Tears Ch. 6: Separation's Tears 

  


  


The rain poured onto Ken's dark purple hair as he left the train station and started walking through the streets of Tamachi. He wanted to go home, but somehow, the feeling of extreme sadness wouldn't leave him. 

/I can't go home like this. Mother would get so worried./ 

He continued walking, alone. The day was a pretty good one while it lasted. Daisuke needed a little help taking all his stuff home from college and Ken was glad to volunteer, even if it meant having to work with Daisuke's fickle sister, Jun. Hey, it did prove to be somewhat fruitful for him as Jun liked to tell embarrassing stories about Daisuke when he was little. It gave him a little bit more time with Daisuke before they went their separate ways, for what may as well be the rest of their lives. Daisuke was going back home to Odaiba for the summer and had vowed to work at any job he could get his hands on. And Ken was going to go to summer school, to catch up to where he needed to be for the upcoming semester when he would be attending Tokyo University. With his test scores and 'Ken Ichijouji', his accursed name, Ken could get into any school he wanted. No university would be stupid enough to turn down a transfer request from the boy genius of Tamachi. 

The rain felt warm on his cheeks as he walked aimlessly. The more he thought about the past day and everything that had transpired in the last eight months, the more he wanted to cry. He hated the thought of losing a close friend. He disliked the thought of being so far away from the first and only person he knew and let into his life so deeply. He feared that he would never be comfortable and relaxed around Daisuke again; that they will always have a strained and tense relationship from now on. Even though they were finally on speaking terms again, Ken had a feeling that things would get a lot worse before they would get better. 

Slowly, Ken's resolve gave way, and his tears poured out to mingle with the rain on his cheeks. 

He stood there, in the middle of the sidewalk, with his face turned upwards to face the falling droplets. 

And he let himself cry, until there were no more tears left. 

  


  


  


Notes:   
-This was just a chapter to explain some loose threads and close out this section of the character's lives. You can see that Ken's getting a little better psychologically, cause he thinks about how his mother would worry if he went home depressed. 


	8. Epilogue

Epilogue: Six Years Later Epilogue: Six Years Later 

  


  


Under the light of a simple desk lamp, Ken flipped to a blank page, picked up a pen and began to write. 

  


  


It's been a while since I've written, hasn't it? Looking back in this journal, I realized that so much has happened since the last time I wrote three years ago. Hikari gave you to me as a gift and told me to write everything down so I'd never forget all the things that have happened, and to remind myself that I'm not alone anymore. Somehow, I lost track of you. And then I found you the other day in one of the few boxes I didn't open after I moved at the end of college. 

Yamato and Tai got married two years ago. It was a beautiful wedding, and the two of them looked really nice in their wedding kimonos. I felt really bad for the priest though, because Tai wore his usual hairstyle and it kept on threatening to poke the priest in the face. Some things just never change. The Ishida-Yagami family acquired a new addition not long after that. Tai and Yamato really wanted a little girl, so they tried one of those new in-vitro procedures that injects the DNA of people into an empty egg cell. So little Hana-chan is one half Tai and one half Yamato. Sora volunteered to be the surrogate mother for Tai and Yamato's baby girl. We all joke about how pretty she's going to look when she's older, since she's got the prettiest bishounen daddy and a really handsome papa. And how she's going to break every boy's heart by being the toughest tomboy on the block and by being the best soccer player in all of Japan. So far, the first part is coming true, we'll have to wait and see about the second part. Surprisingly, the girl is already acting like Sora. If Tai and Yamato think they have their hands full dealing with her attitude _now_, wait until she gets older. Maybe some of Sora's personality rubbed off on Hana-chan when she was carrying the little one. 

To this day, Daisuke continues to be my best friend. We finally patch things up after not talking to each other for almost two months that fateful summer, and we're probably stronger friends now than we were before the whole thing started. That's saying a lot since the only reason we could Jogress shinka together was because our minds and hearts were so synchronized with each other. Daisuke got married this year to Michiko, a girl he met at a dinner party his senior year in college. I can't help but feel a twinge of jealously, but at the same time, he deserves to be happy. And I'm happy for him as well because he finally found someone he loves and cares for so much. 

Me, well, I'm going to be married to Miyako in five months. She's finally fulfilling a dream she's had since she was twelve and I was still the Kaiser. A lot has happened since my college days, and Miyako has helped me through it all. But despite all that, I know that even today, my heart still belongs to Daisuke. Miyako knows this, but she still insists on marrying me. The lines are blurry these days, and I often wonder to myself if my romantic love has changed into a brotherly love of sorts - like the way I used to feel about my brother, Osamu, before my dark side took over and he passed away; like that sort of love where you just care so much about the other person, it's hard to tell _what_ it is anymore. It's unfair to Miyako that I'm in love with someone else, but she seems to be so sure of herself and so understanding that I can't argue with her. 

I don't know why I still haven't gotten over him, but all I know is that I will do everything in my power to make him happy no matter what. Boku no taisetsu na hito dakara. 

December 31, 20xx 

  


  


Ken closed the book, tilted his head back, closed his eyes, and whispered into the night. 

"I love you, Daisuke, forever." 

  


  


Owari... 

  


  


  


Notes:   
-I decided that Tai would probably keep his hair long until he actually got a real job, so thus, the hair joke. 

-Ever wonder why I chose Miyako over Hikari? No, not cause I needed Aquilamon for the plot :P cause I tried to somewhat stay in cannon. Sides, she's the one with the thing for Ken, not Hikari. 

-"Boku no taisetsu na hito dakara." = Because he is the most important person in my life. (lit.: Because he is my important person.)   
Ken still loves Daisuke in the end, but is it a brotherly love for one who is like a brother, or is it still a romantic love that never completely left him? I leave the interpretation of what exactly Ken means up to the reader. ^_^ 

Well, thanks for taking the time to read this set of extensive notes. I hope you've enjoyed the fic. Any other questions, comments, or criticisms can be sent to [ akaisakura@hotmail.com][1]. 

   [1]: mailto:akaisakura@hotmail.com



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